Potty Training 101: Never Leave a Child Alone

All right, I lied. I said I’d update a few days ago. Sleep deprivation and a never ending to do list causes one to forget. Forgive me.

So potty training. Oh the joy of my job. I would have to say that I spend about 75% of my day in the bathroom urging kids to go potty and getting VERY excited when they actually go. If I got that excited in front of adults, they’d think I was crazy. Luckily I am surrounded by two year olds who enjoy my crazy. The beginning of my potty training venture began about two months after I became a toddler teacher. I was in the younger tot room where none of my kids were potty training–we were strictly diapers. Well I was changing a diaper one day and turned my attention to my other kids on the carpet and what did I see? One little girl, A, squatting on the carpet, pants and diaper down, PEEING. She was a talented one, able to squat-walk and pee at the same time. Somehow the pee stream missed her clothes. I still don’t know how she did it. But at the time I couldn’t stop her–I was mid-diaper change. All I could do was say, “A! Stop! What are you doing?!” To which she just smiled and continued her journey to perpetually stain the rug. Needless to say, that’s when the toddler rooms combined so all children could potty train.

This video cracks me up–her reaction is the best. This is exactly why you should never leave a child alone in the bathroom. I can’t tell you how many times I have to stop my kiddos from trying to “help” by dumping out the little potty chair out into the big potty. It’s nice that they want to help, but, STOP. Stop it now.

One time I had a little girl who needed to go potty, so I helped her onto the big potty and waited while I kept her in my sight. Unfortunately, one of my other kids started to have a meltdown so I had to leave her out of my sight for ten seconds–TEN SECONDS–to help him and then I returned to the potty. What I found was terrifying. The little girl had pooped and smeared it all over the wall and toilet. ALL OVER. The toilet was literally a brown mass of porcelain. I was horrified, yet impressed. One, how can so much poop come out of such a tiny thing? And two, ten seconds was an inordinately short amount of time to poop that much. More than anything, I was impressed with myself–my gag reflex did not engage. I had grown. From that day on, not much grosses me out anymore.

And don’t worry, there was a lot of bleach used in that bathroom once I cleaned up the little girl. I returned the toilet to its original color and scrubbed the wall until all evidence was gone. There was so much poop. So much.

And that is why you can’t leave kids alone in the bathroom. They’re impressive little things, but not every impressive thing they do will be cute. Poop’s not cute. Not cute at all.